Not really up to the standards of Oh, God! but an attempt at something with a similar sentiment inspired by the current round of CERN inspired madness…
Item 3 on the Agenda
"Item 3 on the agenda. Do you want to kick off?"
"How about next Tuesday?"
"Sorry can’t do next Tuesday."
"Little Mary Stevenson of Chipping Norton gets her spelling test results and you know how she reacts to those nought out of tens."
"So that’s every Tuesday off for the next what?"
"CERN’s turning on the LHC."
"But it won’t be operational for months."
"Doesn’t stop some nuts thinking it’s going to be Wednesday."
"So when can I launch the apocalypse?"
"Well I’ve had research run some projections and I’m not sure how to break this to you but we missed the window."
"What do you mean?"
"Well for the foreseeable future you can’t because someone has predicted the end of the world for that day and for every hour."
"But Mathew made that up not me not my right hand or for what it’s worth my left hand one either."
"Sorry boss doesn’t matter legal’s been over it and you didn’t challenge it when you had the chance. Apparently there was a thousand year window but now it’s set in stone."
"How did any of this happen? He wasn’t even there. He was just some bloke who decided to have a go at it after the siege and destruction of Jerusalem. He was bored and always thought he’d be a pretty good writer. He was just looking for something to do after the Romans knocked down his shop."
"Trouble is it got into the book and now it’s too late."
"So basically you’re telling me I’ve just got to keep waiting."
"Oh well maybe they’ll do the job for me. They’ve got enough nukes and their polluting the place so much it can only be so much longer."
"You’re really having one of your happy days aren’t you boss?"
"No. I’m blaming the lawyers."
"It’s not really their fault."
"Do you think anyone would notice if we started you know treating lawyers like we used to overly fan boyish prophets?"
"What extending their life span as long as possible."
"Something like that."
"You were saying Earth was getting too crowded these days only last week."